Self importance
May 8th, 2008
I have a new theory. I don’t exactly know how I’m going to test it scientifically, but on my walk from 7th Ave to Lexington this morning (thanks E train) it underwent a rigorous peer review in my head. So I think it’s ready to be published. I believe that the level at which one gauges their own self importance is directly proportional to the size of their umbrella.
On the low end of the spectrum, you have people who don’t carry an umbrella at all or they carry those tiny little umbrellas that fold up in your back pocket. They probably have some level of self importance, but apparently not enough to feel like they deserve to be dry. Then on the other end of the spectrum, you have the guy I was walking behind this morning. He was carrying what would actually be better described as a canopy. You probably know what I’m talking about–they’re those huge pronken umbrellas that take up the entire sidewalk.
This guy thinks so highly of himself that his own dryness is perceived as being more important than the woman and child who were forced to walk into the street to avoid being stabbed in the eye by his giant umbrella prongs. He apparently also believes that he’s so important that no one should be allowed to walk faster than him and that if they do choose to pass, they should remove their own umbrellas so they can successfully duck under his–thus causing them to get wet in the process. And all of this just so he could keep a few drops off his own precious head.
So there it is. Test it next time you’re outside when it’s raining. Oh, and also pay attention to gender. I think you’ll find that very few women carry these things. Oh, and the further east I got, the more prevalent they became. Of course I work right by the Citi Center. I can’t imagine anyone who works in there thinking they’re too important.
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2 Comments Add your own
1. Jesq | May 8th, 2008 at 11:25 am
I concur with your theory. I find that these are generally the same people that keep their umbrellas open even while they are crossing a covered foot bridge, or passing under some other protective awning that extends for a significant distance. It makes sense now. Even though the awning/scaffolding/roof is clearly preventing rain from reaching any umbrellas or canopies that happen to be passing underneath, when you have a bursting sense of self importance, you need to let people know it!
2. What’s wrong with t&hellip | April 3rd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
[...] I know that I have complained about this before, but dude, it never ceases to blow my mind. It is bad enough trying to maneuver the sidewalks in the rain when everyone is wielding their umbrellas like weapons, so why continue to have them open while walking on covered bridge? Today I finally snapped a shot. You can probably tell from the image quality that it was an over-the-shoulder shot with a camera phone. But, at least you can see what I’m talking about. Come to think of it, that guy looks a lot like Ted Swenson. I wonder if he took a position with AMEX or Merrill Lynch. Hmmmm. Anyway, Ted and the guy behind him, both left their gargantuan umbrellas open over the entire (enclosed) Vessey St. foot bridge. It was especially pleasant trying to navigate around them on the stairs. Why is it always the guys with the freaking gargantuan portable tents, that are the biggest offenders? Well, my homey Collin, one of the most prominent minds in advertising on the East Coast, has a theory about that. [...]
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